Q: My parents are always unreasonable about my Christmas list. I think I have a better chance of getting what I really want if I ask for something outrageous, like a submarine or a pony. What would you do?

A: I would make this exact same mistake and then suffer for it terribly. I asked for a pony as a negotiation tactic and now my family is torturing me with it. Every little thing I ask for these days is answered with, “But you just asked for a pony.” I had no idea they were such evil geniuses. Why can’t they take over the world or something and leave me alone?!

I live in fear now. Every time one of them goes out, I worry that they will come back with a stupid pony. I know that would be taking it too far, but you don’t know them! They are weird enough to get a stupid pony just to torture me even more. Stupid pony will probably get its own room even though I’ve been asking for my own room for years and I never get one! Or worse, I’ll probably have to share my room with the stupid pony and then it will be pony, pony, pony all the time and I won’t ever be able to get away from it.

Stupid pony will probably eat up my whole allowance and every time I try to go out they will tell me I have to take it for a walk or they will make me take it with me and I’ll have a stupid pony tagging along after me all the time like the weirdest little brother ever. Stupid pony will probably laugh at me the whole time and think it’s funny that I’m its tiny slave.

I can’t take the suspense any more. I’m having nightmares about them coming home with a stupid pony. I can only think of one way out of this. It will be extreme and difficult, but it’s probably my only hope.

I know what I have to do.

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