I wish I could do my inventing somewhere else. This environment is not conducive for me at all. My short-sighted siblings are so blinded by the memory of that accidental catapult fire (that wasn’t my fault) that they can’t appreciate my grand vision. I could be so much more if they weren’t holding me back.

When my blur button is complete, I will have fulfilled my destiny as humanity’s intellectual offspring by improving human lives. And when the reporters ask about my magnificent achievement, I just might have to mention that I had to toil away at my amazing creation in our apartment, without the benefit of proper laboratory conditions!

And perhaps someone with influence and connections will recognize how much more I could accomplish in the right environment and help me gain access to a real laboratory. With the appropriate equipment and the companionship of worthy colleagues, who knows how far I could go?!

That would be magnificent.

Q: Why do your siblings give you such grief about making a catapult? Our human made us a working 1:6 ballista, and has promised us an onager. They should encourage your spirit of inquiry.

A: My siblings are still bitter about the catapult because we all had to spend a week helping with the post-fire cleanup. How was I to know that my catapult would be strong enough to reach a hot pan of oil in the kitchen?! My planned trajectory was the hallway. There were no hot pans of oil in the hallway. That’s the last time I build a war machine out of kitchen utensils.

I do not deserve this reputation. When I create my next invention without a single spark, they will see that the catapult incident was just a fluke.

I’ll show them. I’ll show them all.

Q: I’m having trouble with some of the cats and dogs in our neighborhood. Do you have any advice—or inventions—to help action figures avoid becoming chew toys?

A: I was working on a keep-away spray, but it dissolved Alex’s clothes for some reason and I’m not allowed to work with chemicals any more.

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I have fulfilled my destiny as humanity’s intellectual offspring. My blur button is a success—it makes the screen blurry! Unfortunately, I didn’t anticipate that the audio would jump to the Spanish simulcast. I hope to be able to fix that, but if I can’t—I will find a way to make it work.

Bilingual families or people trying to learn a second language might like it. Schools might see it as a teaching opportunity. Oh, and if I make it available to schools, those kids will grow up to buy one later! On second thought, that strategy failed for Macintosh, so never mind.

I wonder what happens if you use the blur button on a station that doesn’t have a Spanish simulcast. Will the audio stay stable, or will it go mute? What if I make it jump to a Spanish station with an English simulcast and then jump back again?

This didn’t go the way I wanted it to, but I’m trying to stay positive. I met my primary objective of blurring the screen. I didn’t start a fire. (Take THAT, Jane!) Joe seems happy. And Alex is now whiling away the afternoon learning Spanish terms for autopsy procedures.

I can live with that.